I always think how hard it is to give up the booze, such a struggle , such an effort, something I have to push and push and push against.  So much energy, so much thought, something I have to try so HARD at.  Hard seems so unmovable, unchangeable, impossible but anything can be changed.  I… Continue reading Hard

I was thinking the Struggle is Real ( as my kids say to me)  last night at around 6:00pm when I really wanted a drink, but the drink wasn’t quite what I wanted.  I was feeling itchy, restless, cranky and in these situations I would usually drink as it switched my mood quickly, that would… Continue reading The Struggle Is Real

As the AF days add up I always feel like exercising a bit more.  It comes more easily, probably due to the fact that I don’t need a nap like I do on my drinking days,  when my previous nights wine consumption woke me up at 4:34am and kept me awake. I use to do… Continue reading Exercise

Went out for a lovely dinner with some good friends, didn’t miss the wine at all and really enjoyed the company.  These sort of nights are easy for me, I feel engaged and don’t even think of drinking.  The hard nights for me are the ones when I am home and just want to switch… Continue reading Dinner Out

Had a terrible headache last night which woke me up at 3 A.M.  I thought it was a hangover and started to feel that familiar shame and defeat BUT I remembered I didn’t drink, so I got up, had an Advil and back to sleep I went. I slept till 10AM and I had to… Continue reading Day 12

I have been thinking about my drinking and trying to figure out what the appeal is?  It is that first drink that works for me ( sometimes) but the feeling lasts about 20 mins and I spend the rest of the night chasing it with more booze that never really hits the spot or delivers… Continue reading Day 11

When I am writing day 9 again, it is embarrassing.  I have so many posts that are Day 9.  I am going to try and write most days as I am doing a sober course and part of it is journaling so will write here instead as I cannot seem to get pen to paper… Continue reading Day 9