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Triggers And Emotions

In my attempt to stay off the sauce, I have been really trying to understand what triggers me to drink and find better ways to deal with it.

I want to drink for lots of reasons that most people do, celebrating, Friday nights, dinner parties etc…. But one situation where I tend to drink a lot, is feeling uncomfortable in a situation. Maybe I felt I did something wrong or screwed something up or someone made a comment that makes me feel a bunch of negative emotions, those are the times my drinking really ramps up.

I have been working with a mindfulness coach ( writing that down makes me cringe)   I haven’t told my Husband as I feel it sounds so New Agey and at odds with the person I present to the world. However, I felt I needed some help to stay off the booze.

A friend made an off-hand comment about teachers ( Mr. TWTIK is a high school teacher) it was quite a negative comment and I get that everyone has a strong opinion about teachers and for the most part I don’t care or let it get to me.   But this comment made me feel defensive and I took it is an insult against my husband, even though it was not intended to be one.  In the moment it triggered all these emotions, anger, annoyance and deep down ( if I am forced to delve deeper because without the Numbing of wine, I have no choice)  I felt like she was insinuating she, her husband and family were way better than me or my family.  Rationally, I know that she is a good friend and would not have meant it that way.

We were out for dinner when this happened. Normally I would have picked the drinking up at this point and then started to jab back at her, trying to make her see my point of view, that she was wrong and I was right. In the morning,  I would have stressed that I took it too far, was I in the wrong? what exactly did she say that pissed me off so much?  Did she say anything that bad or was I just boozed?

This time I was upset and questioned her but did let it go and I am happy I could remember things exactly how they were said and I was able to talk about it with Mr. TWTIK.  He hears negative things about teachers and teaching all the time but it does not bother him. He is confident in himself and does not need external validation. He knows that he will not change someones opinion or even care too.  He doesn’t get bothered at all.  If anything he takes the lighter side.  When he is on summer vacation he wears a T-Shirt that says on the front “All Hail” and on the back “King of Summer”  which gets a chuckle.

Figuring this out and moving past it, is something I have needed to do for a long time. Not to be too caught up in other people’s opinions ( real or imagined) should have no real bearing on how I feel about myself or my family.

Being aware of emotions and connecting with where they are coming from is really helping me move past them.    Although it would be nice to “numb” them at times it would lead to any growth or change.

Happy Sunday,

XOXO
TWTIK

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Triggers And Emotions

  1. I sure could have written this post!
    I am a retired teacher, and later in my career I heard so many negative things about teachers.
    Made me so mad, sad, all of those emotions.
    And it did make me drink. I took these so personally.
    I am so much better at accepting other people’s opinions, but still working on this.
    Teachers ROCK!!!
    xo
    Wendy

    Liked by 2 people

  2. A mindfulness coach sound amazing, I would love to get one! Re: The comment your friend made about teachers- Byron Katie talks about 3 kinds of business. My business, your business and God’s business. When I remember to do this, I assess my stressful thought to see whose business I am in. Usually, when it has to do with other people I’m in their business. When it has to do with fear of the future that’s God’s business. (The God of your understanding – this is not affiliated to any particular religion) All of these things are helpful, my challenge is to remember to do it. I often get sucked into a drama and then 2 days later I realise what’s happened 🙂 xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wish I had read this comment in time for yesterday. I was neck deep in other people’s business and am ashamed today. I will take this for the future.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I think the mindful coach sounds great. And you’re doing what a lot of people who are newly sober don’t understand (yet) and that is – booze isn’t the problem…it’s what *makes* us reach for the booze in the first place! And you’re seeing that, and taking the steps to do it to make the changes within. It’s not comfortable. Growth is a wonderful thing, but we have to get out of our comfort zone. And that is where you’re at. And as far as comments by people – I do my damn best not to keep a thin skin. I take things in too deeply, so best is to remind myself that I need not to. None of my business what people think of me!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Hey TWTIK, I can really empathise with you here as I was in a similar situation yesterday and ………… after 9-10 months actually wanted a drink because I wanted to escape my feelings, the awareness was there enough to realise that’s what was happening. You sound like you have that awareness too but you are still quite new at having to sit with the discomfort of it all and let it pass. Well done, that is no mean feat.
    You are very reflective which I think I awesome and I truly sense how hard you are trying and how much you are growing, mindfulness can only help this further and give you that small space in between that allows us to pause and derail the runaway train of thoughts/feelings/emotions.
    I am learning from each one of your posts and look forward to reading each new one. Keep going TWTIK

    Like

  5. Just checking in to say hello. I’ve checked back a couple of times but seen no new comment or response. I hope you are doing ok and life is treating you well. Sending a transatlantic hug 🤗

    Like

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