In my attempt to stay off the sauce, I have been really trying to understand what triggers me to drink and find better ways to deal with it.
I want to drink for lots of reasons that most people do, celebrating, Friday nights, dinner parties etc…. But one situation where I tend to drink a lot, is feeling uncomfortable in a situation. Maybe I felt I did something wrong or screwed something up or someone made a comment that makes me feel a bunch of negative emotions, those are the times my drinking really ramps up.
I have been working with a mindfulness coach ( writing that down makes me cringe) I haven’t told my Husband as I feel it sounds so New Agey and at odds with the person I present to the world. However, I felt I needed some help to stay off the booze.
A friend made an off-hand comment about teachers ( Mr. TWTIK is a high school teacher) it was quite a negative comment and I get that everyone has a strong opinion about teachers and for the most part I don’t care or let it get to me. But this comment made me feel defensive and I took it is an insult against my husband, even though it was not intended to be one. In the moment it triggered all these emotions, anger, annoyance and deep down ( if I am forced to delve deeper because without the Numbing of wine, I have no choice) I felt like she was insinuating she, her husband and family were way better than me or my family. Rationally, I know that she is a good friend and would not have meant it that way.
We were out for dinner when this happened. Normally I would have picked the drinking up at this point and then started to jab back at her, trying to make her see my point of view, that she was wrong and I was right. In the morning, I would have stressed that I took it too far, was I in the wrong? what exactly did she say that pissed me off so much? Did she say anything that bad or was I just boozed?
This time I was upset and questioned her but did let it go and I am happy I could remember things exactly how they were said and I was able to talk about it with Mr. TWTIK. He hears negative things about teachers and teaching all the time but it does not bother him. He is confident in himself and does not need external validation. He knows that he will not change someones opinion or even care too. He doesn’t get bothered at all. If anything he takes the lighter side. When he is on summer vacation he wears a T-Shirt that says on the front “All Hail” and on the back “King of Summer” which gets a chuckle.
Figuring this out and moving past it, is something I have needed to do for a long time. Not to be too caught up in other people’s opinions ( real or imagined) should have no real bearing on how I feel about myself or my family.
Being aware of emotions and connecting with where they are coming from is really helping me move past them. Although it would be nice to “numb” them at times it would lead to any growth or change.