I was thinking the Struggle is Real ( as my kids say to me) last night at around 6:00pm when I really wanted a drink, but the drink wasn’t quite what I wanted. I was feeling itchy, restless, cranky and in these situations I would usually drink as it switched my mood quickly, that would not last long but it would get me out of that feeling. As I sat there drinking my AF beer, I thought this will pass, do I really want a drink? The feeling did pass within about 2 hours, I had moved past it. So what is this feeling I am feeling, boredom, hunger, irritability? The booze is long out of my system so it is not a physical craving but a desire to change my mood and give me a short lived feel good feeling? I rode it out but not without temptation, my go to has usually been to drink. I am there logically with not drinking, I don’t have any illusions about alcohol, I know is poison for me and it just leads to hangovers, weight gain, wasted hours. I logically know that moderation is not for me, that one drink doesn’t even touch the sides and awakes in me a strong desire for the next drink and the one after that. I know that I cannot have one easily so why do I mentally still struggle. I know that not drinking will bring the other changes I want, weightloss, working out more eating better. That one change leads to other changes without much effort of struggle…I am not mourning not being a regular drinker, I am long past that. So why is it still a struggle not to pour poison down my throat?